11 Pax of the Herd gathered in the gloom
To greet the traveling Q from Crypt
“Oh what crazy things he will bring,” they assume
“I’ve heard he has made Pax do flips!”
The FNG was warned beforehand
That not all things will be good,
But no one really warned the man
About ball busters and morning wood!
With a quick disclaimer and a ball of man
The morning was just getting started.
But during the squats we had just began
I swear that somebody sharted!
We moseyed around and then we stopped
At a corner of the parking lot
The real men exercised there
While others found a spot that was soft
We kicked in the air and laid on the ground
Feeling off balance and unsure
And whoever came up the crazy names
Must be sick with something that has no cure!
Running down to the school yard
Where the buses line up in the back
The bald guy made us bear crawl
And do burpees until we wanted to yak!
On the benches we dipped with fury
And step-ups until we winced with pain
But the mumblechatter never ceased
And oh look we are dipping again!
To Hamburger Hill we travelled
Where it smells of yesterday’s pickle
Then just as everyone expected
The Q called the Triple Nickle!
These numbers just don’t add up
The Pax complained you see
That stupid guy said triple
But nothing is coming to three!
After trudging up and down the hill
With sweat our shirts were soaked
The Q finally called “Recover”
And the Pax were really stoked!
And up the road the Q did wander
But before the flag he stopped
We circled up one last time
From plank to our sixes we flopped
Back to flag he called
And our hearts cried with glee
And then it was that joyous time
To name the FNG
We circled up and counted
Called our names for all to hear
With a prayer and a devo they said
“Hey Mac don’t come back for a year!”