It has been some time since last I wrote. As I’m sure you are aware, the war has continued to wage on, and I have often found myself in the thick of it. I did, however, have a two-week reprieve due to the injury I suffered during a particularly harrowing battle. Truth be told—I wish the story of my mishap was a bit more noteworthy, but in reality, I merely twisted my ankle whilst carrying a box of ammo. Needless to say, I don’t see a bronze star coming my way any time soon! The medic said it was nothing more than a sprain, so don’t you worry your pretty little head. I’m just fine— aside from missing you and the way you *******REDACTED******* in the *******REDACTED******* while I *******REDACTED*******. In fact, I had the honor of leading 8 of our country’s finest into battle this very morning.
The weather was perfect for a battle—nice and dry, temperature in the low 60s and hardly a cloud in the sky—just stars that twinkled like your beautiful eyes and a bright shining moon to light our path. As always, we began our morning in prayer and with our usual words of warning: “Do what you can do. Don’t hurt yourself or do something stupid like getting yourself killed. If you do, it’s not my fault.” And with that, Freon, Navy Bean, Drisocket, Drago, Sidecar, Overage, CDV and I headed out into the gloom. We probably would’ve had more with us, but some of our men were rumored to have been arrested for unlawful carnal knowledge. (I still feel bad for those sheep.) #triviamonth
As our mission began, we found ourselves running a little less than half a click, but, honestly, it felt like we just ran in one big circle. Then we gathered to prepare for battle: 10 side-straddle hops, 15 through the tunnel and 10 little baby arm circles (both ways). After our bodies and minds were fully prepared for what lie ahead, we trudged off to a place commonly known as “the block pile.” After returning to our bunker, we broke up into pairs and proceeded with the battle plan. I’m not actually sure what the purpose of our mission was, but I believe we may have been building a wall because as one partner was working towards 300 overhead presses, 300 merkins and 300 block squats, the other was hauling blocks back and forth. At the end of the day, for the first time, I was glad not to be with you because as much as I long to hold you in my arms, at the moment, I don’t think I can lift them.
Then, when we thought it was all over, as we were returning to our post, we had to engage in another brief battle consisting of 25 LBCs, 25 gas pumps and 50 heel touches. After quickly dispensing with that enemy, we all returned in one piece—better men for having done it. We prayed (as always), said the pledge and departed ways until our next battle.
Martha, my sweetest, I ask that you keep Grave Digger’s mom, Brainiac and Drisocket’s friend in your prayers. In addition, please remember to mark your calendar for the 3rd F 5k coming up this Saturday, the Christmas party and next Tuesday when CAT will be honored to host our great commander, Ranger, who I’m sure will lead the men into an epic battle.
I closing, my dear, just know how much I love you and how I long to be with you once again.
P.S. It was brought to my attention by one of our Lieutenants that there were some “inappropriate comments” in my last letter to you. I had no idea that my letters were being read by anyone but you, and that things meant for your eyes only were being seen by others. At any rate, you may have noticed that I tried to clean this letter up a bit, but, in case I happen to over-step my bounds once again, I was assured that such content would be redacted.